Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
WHO made you do it??!!
We hear it and read it every day… on the news, in the papers, even in the school playground. Axe murderers’ motives are always traced back to the mothers, who undoubtedly owned a couple of kitchen knives, and occasionally -GASP!- used them in front of the children whilst preparing dinner. Stressed-out, workaholics-gone-postal undoubtedly had mothers who -GASP!- had to WORK to support their single-parent families, thus setting a poor example of overly-intense work ethics. And of course, children with ANY sort of behavioral issues have mothers who are whispered and gossiped about on the school playgrounds… by OTHER MOTHERS. “Little Sarah PUSHED Suzie this morning and made her cry!!! What do YOU think is going on at home??!!” (Translated, this means, “What the hell is that mother doing wrong… or, not doing right??!!”)
Our society is one that has an unhealthy need to lay ultimate blame at the feet of Mothers.
The reasons why we do this are unfathomable to me. Why do we always resort to whittling down issues to the most basic of potential causes when we cannot make sense of them any other way? Well, I suppose it’s because we are a nervous people, and our society seems hell-bent on “seeking justice”. So, we blame. We blame the very people who give us life. The constant need to Blame The Mother For Everything seems not unlike the habit a lot of unhappy people have of Blaming God for things that go wrong in their lives. It’s the “easy” way out: the “easy” answer. More often than not, it’s the ONLY answer they can come up with. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my lifetime, there are some questions that just have no answers, some mysteries that have no solutions, some disasters that have no understandable cause. We either have to learn to be okay with that, or we find a way to lay blame in order to “set our minds at rest”.
Now, this is not to say that there aren’t some mothers out there who don’t deserve to be taken to task for their actions (or inactions). Lord knows that there are plenty of examples of those women out there… for instance, that lunatic who spawned Lindsay Lohan, for example.
But, I digress.
The point at which this whole excessive mother-blaming thing became TOO MUCH for me occurred this morning. This morning, I just cracked. Maybe it was the fatigue and disappointment after last night’s hockey game, I don’t know… This morning, I had had ENOUGH.
The mother-blaming habit has trickled down to the next generation in this house. My children, ages eleven, six and three, have developed an extremely nasty habit of blaming me for anything and everything.
I’m not talking about the big stuff. You know, the “I DIDN’T ASK TO BE BORN!!” big stuff. Thankfully, my kids are still so young, they haven’t had enough time here on earth to blame me for anything really catastrophic yet… But then, to this point, they haven’t had the opportunity to do any major damage on a GLOBAL scale (at least, none that I'm aware of).
The stuff they constantly blame me for is the little stuff, the every-day stuff. Most often, THE STUFF THAT THEY SHOULD BE TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR. I’m talking serious blame-shifting here, that borders on the ridiculous.
Like this, for example:
Mother: (running a comb through her eldest daughter’s long hair) Woah!! This could take a few minutes. Hold still, kiddo, you’ve got some mondo knots in this wig of yours… Hang tough, and we’ll get them out.
Child Number One: It’s all YOUR fault, Mother!! YOU bought the wrong kind of shampoo!! And then YOU forgot to remind me to blow dry it properly after my shower last night!!
See what I mean? Or, how about this:
Mother: (while serving lunch) Whoops! I see you’ve had a milk spill, there. Here, let me get you a cloth to clean it up, and then just make sure the cup is pushed back from the edge of the table next time, okay?
Child Number Two: Hey, YOU put the cup down on the table, Mum!! YOU made me do it!! It’s not MY fault my elbow tipped it over!!
Sigh. Let’s hear from the last one:
Mother: (averting her eyes from The Horror) Oh, my Lord… WHO WROTE ON THE LIVINGROOM SOFA WITH BUBBLEGUM TOOTHPASTE???!!
Child Number Three: (popping up from behind the furniture with pink-stained fingers and a foamy mouth) Maybe E’mmy Yeung did it!!
I have to confess, I forgave Child Number Three for that last one. You know why? Because, currently, she is the ONLY CHILD who doesn’t try to pin the havoc she wreaks on ME. Not YET, that is. She’s got ears, however, and she hears those big sisters of hers. She’s also got a memory chip in that little brain that rivals the one I’ve got in my computer at the moment. She’s listening, and I just KNOW that the words spoken in this house are going to come back to haunt me someday soon…
The last of the blame-laying occurred this morning, just after I had risen from bed. I yawned, put on my bathrobe, and went across the hallway to waken Child Number One, who had managed to sleep right through her extremely noisy alarm clock.
Mother: Time to wake up!!
Child Number One: (as cross as two sticks) MU-MMEEEE!! Now I’m in a GRUMPY MOOD and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!!
All MY fault??! By simply waking the kid up, her grumpy mood is ALL MY FAULT??!! By simply uttering four words, and bringing her back to consciousness, I have completely shattered the child’s entire state of mind??!!
I DON’T THINK SO.
My three girlies attended a Breakfast Meeting with the Domestic Goddess this morning… during which, it was made AB-SO-LUTE-LY CLEAR that there would be no further tolerance of playing the Blame Game, either with me, or with one another. They heard about Responsibility, and Being Accountable for One’s Own Actions. About Politeness, and about Respect, both for others, and for themselves, as well.
They listened to me, and they heard me. They promised to Try.
I dismissed them for hand-face-and-teeth cleaning in preparation for school, and sank down at my desk for a moment with a LARGE cup of coffee, to peruse my email…
And wouldn’t you know it? I was SO overwrought with emotion after my major speech, so overcome by my sweet daughters’ words of remorse, that I joggled my elbow, and half a cup of scalding hot java splattered all over my keyboard…
The keyboard immediately fizzled to a standstill…
Drat those kids. THEY made me do it...
Posted by
Candygirlflies
at
9:59 PM
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Labels: garden, life lesson
Thou hast angered the Goddess...
Posted by
Candygirlflies
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9:38 AM
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Monday, June 4, 2007
Fabulous footwear... well, they FEEL fabulous, anyway...
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Candygirlflies
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4:32 PM
2
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Sunday, June 3, 2007
It's aliiiiive!!! They're hatching!!!!
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Candygirlflies
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6:05 PM
3
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Saturday, June 2, 2007
That's "my" boy!!!
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Candygirlflies
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8:57 PM
4
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Thursday, May 31, 2007
Dishwasher Disaster
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Candygirlflies
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12:53 PM
1 comments
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
WHO did it??!!

You know that spunky, sparky little girl on Treehouse TV-- the one in the orange shirt, always trying out funky new activities, and as precocious as the day is long?
Yeah, her.
Well, I'm here to tell you that she's living a double life, people. And the other half of that cute-as-a-button little twerp is wreaking havoc right here in my house.
It's hard to believe, actually. I mean, come ON. Filming that series must take up the majority of her time. There would hardly be any spare moments for academic study (not that she needs any-- she clearly knows it all), or even for sitting in front of the mirror at night, jamming her fingers into those mega-dimples of hers, just to make sure she never misplaces them...
But, there MUST be more than 24 hours in a day for Emily Yeung, there just has to be-- otherwise she would NEVER have the time to get up to the kinds of mischief I am assured she does, right here under my own roof, on a daily basis. Sometimes SEVERAL times a day, in fact.
It all started when Child Number Three began to speak in full sentences. No sooner had she learned to RESPOND to questions, the questions that other family members ASKED most frequently seemed to begin with the same word: WHO.
Well, the answer to ALL of these questions and MORE was simple, according to my youngest daughter:
Child Number Three began making this prophetic statement initially with a look of innocent, wide-eyed wonder on her face... as though she could hardly believe that her televisual heroine could transcend the Treehouse Channel and take time out of her busy life to terrorize our home. But, as time went by, and Emily was named as the main suspect for more and more criminal activity around here, Wee Three's accompanying facial expression changed to one of deep seriousness. Her verdict was made with concentrated certainty. Most recently, she has begun slowly shaking her curly little head as she says the words, as though she is imagining the terrible fate that Emily would have to endure, should she ever be caught in the act by me, Mother Of All Mothers and Domestic Goddess.
Emily Yeung was going to catch it in the neck if she was ever caught pilfering chocolate chips, and then wiping the residual hand-stickiness on the white wainscoting in the hallway. She was going to be sent packing if she was discovered fingerpainting with leftover hotdog mustard on the kitchen floor. The police might have to be called if she were found to be stirring the cat's litterbox with a wooden spoon. And as for adventures with mud and the garden hose in the newly manicured garden?? Forget about it. It would be GAME OVER for Emily.
I wish I could catch her in the act. Just once. Then there would be considerably fewer "WHO??" questions around here, and more WHATs, instead... As in, "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS KID??!!"
I've got a pretty good idea WHAT, too. For starters, I'd glue the little culprit's behind to a time-out chair for so long, she'd miss at least a month or two of taping that television show of hers.
Come on, nobody'd really miss her.
Especially since I've got another little girl, recently turned three, who would just LOVE to be her understudy for awhile....
Posted by
Candygirlflies
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6:17 PM
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In the Most Delightful Way...
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Candygirlflies
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6:17 PM
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Monday, May 28, 2007
Who's your favourite??!!
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Candygirlflies
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8:15 PM
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Saturday, May 26, 2007
Happy Birthday, Wee Three...
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Candygirlflies
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7:52 AM
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Friday, May 25, 2007
Strawberry Strychnine...
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Candygirlflies
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6:48 PM
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Thursday, May 24, 2007
Tumble-down trauma...
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Candygirlflies
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9:41 AM
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Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Ready and Waiting...
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Candygirlflies
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4:42 PM
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Monday, May 21, 2007
Sunday, May 20, 2007
First things, first...
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Candygirlflies
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10:23 AM
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Saturday, May 19, 2007
Heaven. I'm Home.
Posted by
Candygirlflies
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6:34 PM
A Royal Announcement

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Candygirlflies
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8:08 AM
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Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
It's Allergy Season Again!!!
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Candygirlflies
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10:43 AM
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Two Year Old Terrorist...
She made her rounds of the puddle-splashing circuit on her way to and from school. She attempted to "share" her chocolate chip cookie snack with our two guinea pigs. She ate her alphabet soup, letter by letter, with her fingers at lunchtime. She pilfered her older sister's makeup bag, twisted up all the lip glosses, and then jammed the tops back on, just to see what would happen. She sneaked into the bathroom, turned on the faucets, and tried to make "boats" out of individual squares of toilet paper... which, of course, sank, clogged the drain, and overflowed the sink by the time she was discovered. She "flew" her toy bunny rabbit over the banister in the upstairs hallway, knocking a Chinese lamp off of a table on the main floor. For her final act this afternoon, she found three contrabanned markers, and drew a large "mural" on the wall.
Tonight, she accidentally-on-purpose tipped over her "goodnight" glass of milk onto the kitchen table and began to "finger paint" with it...
Child Number Three: (Innocently, hoping cuteness will diffuse Mother's Reaction) I fink I needs a BABY SIPPY CUP...
Mother: (Through clenched teeth) YOU, my little friend, need a TRANQUILIZER DART.
Posted by
Candygirlflies
at
8:18 PM
1 comments
Head vs. Heart
After eleven years of raising small children, I have finally given in to what my BRAIN has known for two years, and have rounded up all of our baby equipment, ready to tote it off to the re-sale shop. It's all sitting in the trunk of the loser cruiser, right now. Just waiting for the final drive to Hand-Me-Downs.
Here's the thing: for some reason, the act of releasing all of the things I have lovingly collected over the past decade feels like MORE of a closure to the decision my husband and I made a few years ago than any medical intervention could.
Why is that??!!
And what's more, why is the act of getting rid of the baby stuff so gut-wrenching for me??!!
It's just STUFF, after all. All replaceable, should the need ever arise (and both my head--and my husband-- assure me that it WON'T).
Why can't I stand the thought of parting with things that we are DONE with?
Well, of course, the obvious reason is the memories associated with it all. I can still picture my first-born nestled into the infant sling. My second-born wailing away in the swing, while I frantically attempted to throw ingredients together for dinner. My last-born staring wide-eyed at me as I gently shook rattles to entertain her.
But, I have kept one small box of the "important" stuff... the favourite rattles, tiny books and dolls that my girls might like to have for their own children someday...
It's the "heart" response I'm having trouble with, clearly. I love babies, and no matter how sleep-deprived and blues-y I may have felt when each of my three girls were born, the baby-hood experiences in no way diminished the feelings I had of absolute, besotted, infant-adoration. Each time was the best time of my life.
My heart is finally clueing-in today that this part of my life as a mother is over.
My head knows that it's time to be done, though. My head knows that while the capacity to love grows each time a new baby is born, the ability to spend quality time with each child-- to give the very BEST of yourself to each child-- diminishes a little bit. I absolutely know that I am at the point where I have some balance in our family. The girlies are getting a little bigger, and a little more independent. And I'm FINALLY becoming able to make sure that each of them gets an equal part of me.
My head also knows that we have simply GOT to get the baby stuff out of here, or this house is going to explode. Growing girls need more grown-up things. And the more they grow, the less space we seem to have around here.
My husband wisely says that I need to learn to look at situations like this as POSITIVE change. He says that the world is finally starting to open up to us again, now that the family is complete, and the girls are becoming old enough for us to give them new experiences, take them to explore new places, and do more things.
He also says that I should be feeling happy to be "getting my life back" a little.
Well, I suppose all that's true. But today, I don't feel happy. Today, I feel strangely mournful, even though I know we have made the right decision, a decision that I am not going to regret.
Because for more than a decade, these little girls HAVE been my life. And I love my life. I just don't want it to.. slip through my fingers... QUITE so quickly....
Posted by
Candygirlflies
at
9:26 AM
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Arrrgggghhh.... Okay, I'm trying...
Posted by
Candygirlflies
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9:18 AM
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Monday, May 14, 2007
All Systems Go for Monday Morning...
This morning, Child Number Two, aged six, straggled down to breakfast later than usual. After a very full weekend, which included her very first sleep-over and a LOT of swimming in the newly-filled pool, she was clearly exhausted.
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Candygirlflies
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9:39 AM
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Saturday, May 12, 2007
The Great Mother
Mother's Day should come more often.
I'm not talking about the overly commercialized, sugary sweet, flower-filled consumer extravaganza that North American Mother's Day has become.
I'm talking about a day that comes around more regularly... say, every couple of months, where mothers and their children take time out, and make an extra special effort to appreciate and enjoy one another.
I love Mother's Day. I love that the kids make an effort to do something nice to make me happy. Their hand made cards, macaroni necklaces, and decorated picture frames are treasures that I value more highly than diamonds. I love that they are at home with me, with no interruptions from playdates and extra curricular activities. A stroll around the pond, then pushing my girlies on the swings at the park is a more appealling adventure to me than a grand tour of Europe. It's an opportunity for me to deliberately try to cement in my long-term memory the delightful little people that my three children truly are.
Little girls are little for such a terribly short period of time... Today, I'm going to savour every minute of it.
Posted by
Candygirlflies
at
8:37 AM
1 comments
On Motherhood...
Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
Posted by
Candygirlflies
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8:16 AM
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Friday, May 11, 2007
The Princess of Dairy Queen
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Candygirlflies
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6:01 PM
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Thursday, May 10, 2007
Gonna getcha...
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Candygirlflies
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10:07 PM
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Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Found today
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Candygirlflies
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10:39 PM
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Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Bought today

Posted by
Candygirlflies
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8:18 PM
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