Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Next Karate Kid...

Child Number Two was in fine form last night.

She marched around the house, singing the new song-of-the-month that she had learned at school, at the top of her lungs, to the tune of “On Top of Spaghetti”. It wasn’t so much the song that caught the rest of the family’s attention, however. It was the brand-new sound effects and actions that she included:

Child Number Two: (sweetly) The month is OctoooOOoober….. HIIII-YAH!! The leaves turning reeeeeedd….. YAAAAAAA-HAH!!!

Yes, as I mentioned a few days ago, Child Number Two has begun taking karate lessons. And as I also said in that previous post: I am afraid. I am very, very afraid. And I’m wondering whether it might not be a bad idea to enroll the rest of the family members in a self-defense course, as well. To defend ourselves from The Force that is now the new-and-improved Child Number Two.

It all started several weeks ago, when Child Number Two came racing home from school, with an enrollment form for the lunchtime karate program. She wanted to join up. Badly. And judging by the relentless begging that went on (and on, AND ON) she wasn’t prepared to accept “no” for an answer.

I confess. I didn’t know quite how to handle her request. So, I tried to stall her. Although I do my very best to encourage my children and give them every opportunity I possibly can, I just wasn’t sure about this one. For Child Number Two is the most “challenging” of my three children. Chaos and Mass Destruction are her specialties. From the cradle, she earned the nick-name “Twister”.

And so, I followed my first instinct. I said I needed time to check out the instructor, to make certain that he was fully qualified, and that no one would get hurt. I reasoned that it would take time for me to seek out the little uniform she might need. I even tried to explain that I would need time to run our monthly budget, to make sure that the money was there to pay for the lessons...

She eyed me up-and-down suspiciously, and then took matters into her own little hands. She implemented the “divide and conquer” technique that she has perfected during the six-and-a-half years of her life: she went behind my back to her father, and asked him.

Needless to say, in typical fashion, Daddy immediately jumped on her little bandwagon. Filled out the paperwork, wrote the cheque, patted her on the head and everything.

Later, in private, when I expressed my dismay to The Husband (and that’s putting it MILDLY, people), he actually had a plausible argument to make.

For Child Number Two has turned out to be a pretty intellectual kid. Which, as it turns out, makes her even more potentially dangerous. There is method to her “madness”. She Thinks Things Through, which is probably why most of her little heists have historically come off without a hitch.

My husband pointed out that karate is a martial art. The instructors instill discipline and respect in their pupils. They teach children to channel their energy in a safe, controlled way. They promote physical fitness. My Husband, The Jock and Her Father, determined that the karate lessons would be All For The Greater Good.

Well, you can’t say I didn’t try to warn him. Because I, Her Mother, Who Diffuses Destruction Daily, knew better.

By yesterday, Child Number Two had a couple of lessons under her little yellow belt. And she just couldn’t WAIT till her father got home, so she could show him some of her new moves.

When he finally came through the door after a long day at the office, she unwound like a tight spring from her position on the staircase, where she had been waiting for him.

Child Number Two: (excitedly) DADDY!!!! LOOK what I learned in karate lessons today!!!

(wearily) Hiya, Squirt! Just wait a minute and let me get my shoes off, here, and then you can show me your stuff.

Child Number Two: (not waiting) See, Dad, you don’t kick like THIS, because you might fall over and break your leg…

Father: (absently) Oh... Right.

Child Number Two: (with venom) See? THIS is how you kick!!

There was the sound of a loud CRAAACK!! And then the howl of a full-grown man rang out.

Child Number Two then sauntered into the kitchen, where I was calmly slicing up cucumber for a salad, and trying my very best to stifle giggles.

Child Number Two: (swaggering more than just a little) Man, I’m good.

Father: (hobbling into the room) She’s good, all right.

Hmmm… I wonder if she could teach ME to do that?

Well, at least Daddy is getting his money’s worth…


painted maypole said...

ha ha ha! My husband wants to get MQ into karate for all the discipine and stuff, too, plus for self protection. Right now we just can't afford it.

Multi-tasking Mommy said...

Classic story, just classic!

If he dealt with it like you said he did, he is one cool cucumber himself! I don't think my hubby would have reacted that kindly :)

canape said...

I love it!

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