Late Saturday afternoon, once I had finished painting the master bathroom and dressing room, I loaded the two youngest girlies and my mother-in-law into the Loser Cruiser, and set off to scrounge up a few ingredients for dinner.
Once we had made a stop at the local gourmet shop (one of my m-i-l's favourite destinations when she comes for a visit), I decided to take a "detour" on the way home. Because, after a couple of hard days' work, even MUMMY needs a little reward.
Child Number Three: (from her carseat in the second aisle) Mum?? Where we go NOW?
Child Number Two: (shouting from the third aisle) We're goin' to Mummy's HAPPY PLACE!!
Mother-In-Law (hereafter known as "The Pearl"): WHERE are we going?!
Child Number Two: You know, Gramma!! The LIQUORICE store!!
Mother: It's the LIQUOR store, you funny little kid, not the LIQUORICE store. Mummy's been working hard, and even Mummies need a treat every once in awhile.
Child Number Three: (eagerly, at the mention of c-a-n-d-y) OOOhhh!! I come in, TOO? I not stay in da car wif Gramma?! I get a treat, TOO??!
I should have known then that I was in for it. Child Number Three was convinced that SHE was getting a treat, and I happened to know for a fact that our local LCBO did NOT, in fact, stock liquorice... not even one lousy lolly pop.
The Pearl and Child Number Two opted to stay in the car and read books rather than coming into the crowded shop, while my youngest and I ventured in. Once I had convinced Wee Three to actually SIT in the shopping cart, and not careen around the store PUSHING the cart into large displays of expensive bottles, we were in business.
I set off up and down the aisles in search of my current favourite white wine, "Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush".
Okay, I confess. I initially chose this wine the same way I do MOST of the wine we drink. I liked the label. I LOVED the name. It was semi-revolting; a name that was DEFINITELY going to make an impression on any host I brought it to, and one that I was CERTAINLY not going to forget. The same goes for another of my favourites, "Fat Bastard". Luckily for my husband, BOTH of these wines actually turned out to be quite delicious, and we now happily converse over dinner:
Me: A little more Fat Bastard?
Him: I think I'll take a little Pee, actually...
Needless to say, people hate coming to dinner at our house, and if and when they do, usually wind up bringing their own bottles.
I was once asked to bring the wine to a party being held at my parents' house, and of course, arrived armed with a case of the "Cat's Pee". My father was completely horrified by his eldest daughter's complete lack of taste and sense of decorum, but had no choice but to serve what I had brought him... He wrapped a large white napkin firmly around the label of every bottle, apparently to "catch the drips..."
But I digress.
As I wheeled the cart around the store that Saturday, Child Number Three became increasingly distraught at the apparent lack of child-friendly merchandise. In order to distract her from her Quest For Candy at the Liquor(ice) Store, I attempted to show her some of the very pretty wine labels that we passed on our way down the aisles.
We found beautiful birds and different kinds of animals, and even scenic landscapes... But it was a tiny ladybird printed on a bottle of blush wine from the Niagara region that finally captivated her:
Child Number Three: Dat bottle for ME??!!
Me: Well, I don't know, sweetie... This isn't a bottle that's good for little people.
Child Number Three: (begging, clearly unconvinced) You get dat bottle for my BIRFDAY?!! For my TREAT??!
Me: Yes, sweetie. For your twenty-first birthday. 'Kay?
Yessir, it's great to see that at least ONE of my children has inherited my "delicate palate" when it comes to fine wine...
Next time, I'm just going to buy her one of those boxes of chocolate liqueurs, and enjoy the nap that hopefully follows.