Mr Clean, My Secret Love...

I'm having an emotional affair with another man. His name is Mr Clean. Every time I see his beautiful bald head, tight white t-shirt and muscular forearms, my heart flutters and my hopes soar... Maybe, just MAYBE this horrible mess the kids just made is fixable after all!! Oh, Mr Clean, do it for me, make all my dreams come true!! You're my HERO!!

Honestly, I haven't felt this passionate about a man since the day I met my husband (that was love at first sight, too-- although I should mention that he ISN'T bald, but also looks great in a white shirt...) Mr Clean provides Domestic Goddesses like myself with everything a woman could ever want, with no strings attached.

First, he's available. You can find Mr Clean at any store-- and he's willing to come home with you for a modest price!

Second, he's easy on the eyes, in a Vin Diesel sort of way.

Third, HE WORKS. This is ONE man who knows how to clean. And let's face it, ladies, there ain't NOTHING more attractive than a man who can clean up after himself... This guy CLEANS UP AFTER OTHER PEOPLE, TOO!

One of my favourite jokes goes like this:

A woman is at a party, and sees an incredibly attractive man standing across the room from her. Their eyes meet, he approaches, seductively puts his arm around her and says, "For twenty dollars, I will come home with you tonight and do WHATEVER YOUR HEART DESIRES!" She presses a twenty into his hand and whispers into his ear, "Scrub my toilets, baby..."

Well, if that incredibly attractive man had been Mr Clean, he'd have had a product for that. He has stuff to scrub AROUND the toilets, too, with minimal effort on my part! Is it any wonder that I love him??

However, the BEST thing Mr Clean has ever done for me, the thing that absolutely ROCKS MY WORLD, is this:

Ladies, let me tell you something, Mr Clean's Magic Eraser will change your life. Not only will it clean your home, it will make you a better mother. I PROMISE YOU, once you realize that it will take care of almost ANY evil mess that your children produce, you will no longer have the same apoplectic-hissy-fit reaction to evil mess that you have had in the past! It is almost frightening how well this thing gets rid of dirt. It is downright addictive! The first day I ever brought a package home, I scrubbed scuff marks off of my baseboards for three hours, then went around the house LOOKING FOR MORE STUFF TO CLEAN. It works on EVERYTHING! It will take crayon off of walls, ballpoint pen off of the front of your white dishwasher, skidmarks off of the linoleum, crud off of your stove top and scum off of the shower stall... It even takes the tea-stains off of my stainless-steel sink and makes it shine like the day I bought it. It's incredible how one little piece of plastic microfibre can make a girl so...so... happy. And satisfied!! I really feel like I've ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING when I use this thing.

How sad is that?? Well, it's NOT, actually. When you're at home with kids, you'll take ANY opportunity to grab a little happiness for yourself, let me tell you. And for me, Mr Clean is IT.

By the way, that rumour going around on the internet that Magic Erasers contain deadly carcinogens is a load of hooey... They're safe, they work, and dammit, they're FUN. I, personally, think the rumour was started by a man. Probably a jealous husband, worried about his wife's divided attentions...

I can't possibly be the ONLY woman out there who has found true love with Mr Clean...