Okay, I SHOULDN'T feel this way about there being only five **gasp!** short weeks until Crazy Time...
But, this year, I do.
I'm not ready.
Not that I necessarily SHOULD be ready at this time of year. It is still only November, after all.
But, this year is different. I have a sense of urgency and panic that I haven't felt since the impending birth of one of my children. This year, I feel like I have to do it ALL, and do it NOW, before it's too late, or I might never get anything done around here ever again.
In just over a week, I'm starting a new job. It's a job that has me excited, yet absolutely terrified at the same time: a junior/intermediate class of young boys with severe learning disabilities. Yes, I've done this sort of thing before-- but in a much smaller classroom and far more intimate setting. There has been more time for one-to-one, individualized attention for each student. Lessons have been planned by modifying whatever has been going on in the main-stream classroom to which each child belongs.
What's more, I've never actually felt like "The One In Charge" before. But, this time I most definitely will be: these are children who do not thrive in main-stream classrooms. These kids are going to be all mine.
What feels like the weight of the world is about to shift onto my shoulders. I'm just praying that I'm ready to accept this overwhelming challenge. Combine all of this with a union that is braced and ready to begin strike action, and I've got myself a fine kettle of fish. I'm terrified that, in supporting my colleagues in their quest to preserve our education system, I won't be able to find the extra hours I so desperately need in order to do this job justice. (I will, of course, but it sure won't be easy.)
Then, there's the issue of keeping body-and-soul together at home, during this, "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year". Argh. Every time I hear that phrase over the loudspeaker in the shops that have so abruptly become "Winter Wonderlands", I want to go screaming off into what's left of my rhubarb patch.
How on earth am I going to make Christmas this year??? Even when I was in university, classes stopped at least a week ahead of the Big Day, thus enabling me to cobble together something resembling a celebration. This year, I'll be in classes right up until December 22, and I'm sure-as-shootin' not facing the mall on THAT weekend.
Today, I'm taking a day off of making my rounds of the public schools to begin shoveling out my house, and have grudgingly hauled the massive boxes and bags of Christmas decorations out of the basement. I'll be swagging that garland up the banister, setting out all the twinkly lights... and it all feels FAR too soon-- in spite of the fact that Santa Claus was sighted downtown at the big parade yesterday. (I couldn't watch.)
Maybe if I put on some better music this morning, once the kids are all out of here and ensconced in school...
Maybe if I whip up a batch of shortbread, the smell of Christmas will kindle something within me that will help me to bear the sight of it...
I don't know, people.
But, there's one thing I DO know:
All of this is certainly helping me to put the "CHRIST!!!" back in Christmas.
Even if it is only November.