I Can Fly, Just Not Up: October 2008

We were all sitting 'round the luncheon table in Stratford today, my mother having concocted a feast of pancakes with maple syrup and Canadian bacon, fresh from the local farmer's market.

I had spent the nearly three-hour car ride (through rush-hour traffic on Friday afternoon) whipping the girlies into shape... All three had been warned to be on their very best-est behavior, for the benefit of my overly-generous and long-suffering parents, who are hosting us for the weekend.

Having crammed themselves with as many pancakes as was "safe", their skins feeling sufficiently tight, Child Number Two and Wee Three were slightly taken aback when in response to their request to be excused from the table, my mother placed a banana in front of each of them for dessert:

Wee Three: (glowering blackly at the fruit) YUCK.

Child Number Two: (horrified by her little sister's lack of table manners) No, sweetie... You're supposed to say, "Yuck, PLEASE".

I must be doing something right with these kids... I'm just not exactly sure what...

This past August, I was fortunate enough to attend an informal lecture given by the great American actor and director, F. Murray Abraham. Many of you will remember him as the "musical villain" Antonio Salieri in the 1984 film, Amadeus. And hopefully, some of you may also know what a truly generous (and genius) mentor and teacher he is, both in America, and abroad.

In his talk, Mr. Abraham spoke passionately about how tremendously important the theatre is to our society... Especially today, when the world has never been more turbulent, dangerous and confusing. He struck a chord in me, when he said that one of the main reasons he goes to the theatre, works in the theatre and CREATES theatre, is to attempt to discover "Truth". He said that in this day and age, when there is such a glut of information and "News" constantly bombarding us from all angles-- much of it inaccurate or downright lies-- it is often in the theatre, and very often in the ideas that new playwrights create, that he discovers the most Truth about the world in which we live.

I have been thinking about that lecture, and all of the wisdom that Mr. Abraham shared with us, a great deal this week. Because in all honesty, I am having a very, very hard time weeding out "Truth" from ANY of the news that I have been hearing and reading lately.

My little family and I are still in the throes of having to try and sort out our place in this outrageous mess that politicians and broadcasters have now finally termed "The Economic Crisis". (Honestly. It's as though they only just figured it out on Monday, for crying out loud.) Things in my little world feel like they're spiralling slowly but surely out-of-control, and there's not a damned thing I can do about it.

But, luckily, one of my closest friends boarded a plane and arrived for a visit on Monday. Travellor is a very "old", and very close friend of mine from a-waaaaay back... We originally met working the North American tour of "Phantom of the Opera", more years ago than either of us cares to remember. Being in his delightfully silly (but undeniably sweet) company always cheers me up. His visits give me an opportunity to talk about the past, and our shared love of all things Theatre.

For some reason, just as my dear friend strode through the arrival doors of the Toronto International Airport and wrapped me in a bear-hug... and ironically, JUST as the American Congress was rejecting a bill that we had been praying would be passed... A song from the musical "Cabaret" suddenly sprang into my mind.

Where it has been "playing" ever since.

It's an old song, with lyrics that my brother has often quoted to me, whenever one (or both) of us is frazzled and upset about something.

I have decided that this song- this snippet of truly marvellous theatre- is an example of what Mr. Abraham was talking about that day. Re-discovering this song was a discovery of Truth, for me.

So What?

(from the musical, Cabaret)

You say fifty marks, I say one hundred marks.

A difference of fifty marks.

Why should that stand in our way?

As long as the room's to let

The fifty that I will get

Is fifty more than I had yesterday!

When you're as old as I-- Is anyone old as I?

What difference does it make? An offer comes, you take!

For the sun will rise and the moon will set,

And you'll learn how to settle for what you get,

It'll all go on if we're here or not,

So, who cares, so what?

When I was a girl my summers were spent by the sea, so what?

And I had a maid doing all the house work, not me, so what?

Now I scrub up the floors, and I wash down the walls,

And I empty that chamber pot.

If it ended that way, then it ended that way,

And I shrug and I say, so what?

For the sun will rise and the moon will set,

And you'll learn how to settle for what you get,

It'll all go on if we're here or not,

So, who cares, so what?

When I had a man, my figure was dumpy and fat, so what?

Through all of our years he was so disappointed than that, so what?

Now I have what he missed and my figure is trim,

But he lies in a churchyard plot.

If it wasn't to be that he ever would see

The abundance of me, so what?

For the sun will rise and the moon will set

And you'll learn how to settle for what you get,

It'll all go on if we're here or not,

So, who cares, so what?

So, once I was rich, and now all my fortune is gone, so what?

And love disappeared, and only the memory lives on, so what?

If I've lived through all that, and I've lived through all that,

Fifty Marks doesn't mean a lot! If I liked that you're here,

And I like that you're here,

Happy New Year, my dear, so what!

For the sun will rise and the moon will set

And you'll learn how to settle for what you get,

It'll all go on if we're here or not,

So, who cares, so what?

It all goes on,

So, who cares?

Who cares?

So what?!

Yes, the sun will go on rising and setting, and the world will keep on turning, no matter what happens during the days and weeks to come... The question is, how long will it take for me to "learn how to settle" for whatever comes out of all of this mess?

I have no choice. I have no control.

Only time will tell.